My Views – Dr.Chris Anthony MBBS,MS,FRCSEd,AM

drchris November 25th, 2008

Honor your father and mother

I would like to share my experiences with an elderly gentleman named Paul, whom I met in old folk’s home. It may give us some insight into how we celebrate the coming Christmas.

Uncle Paul has been journeying through life for the past 86 years. His vast experiences in   life cover the period during the British rule, Japanese occupation and Independent Malaya right till the present day Malaysia.

I  believe every human who has walked upon this earth, regardless of race or religion, young or old, rich or poor is a chest of treasure, experience and knowledge for us to be tapped for our own benefit and the benefit of those around us. Uncle Paul is undeniably such a marvellous creation of God and going through the experiences in his life adds further to the many lessons I have learnt in my own.

In a world that is so materialistic, competitive, so advanced in technology, life has become more robotic and devoid of empathy and compassion. When we are so busy toiling to make ends meet we have very little time for old people like Paul who we consider have nothing valuable to contribute to our advancements.

Uncle Paul lost his wife 20 years ago after a short illness and till today he misses her so dearly. At the twilight of life, his physical and mental faculties are beginning to fail him one by one; he has no permanent companion to cling on for support and reassurance. This is the time he wished so badly that his wife was around to share the pains of old age. His eyes swell with tears each time we talk about the darling in his life.  He says “if only my wife was around, I will not be here.”

As I myself grow older, and my children leaving home one by one, I seem to appreciate his experiences much more as they are becoming increasingly more relevant in my own life. I look around and see that many more, like Uncle Paul, are leading such solitude lives without a shoulder to lean on for solace. Am I heading for such a lonely life in the years to come? It is frightening to think I may be so.

The first time I met Uncle Paul I was impressed by his neatly groomed appearance and his punctuality. At every subsequent visit I  noticed he was always ready and waiting for me, neatly dressed in slacks, long sleeved shirt and polished shoes. According to his caretaker he gets ready hours before and sits in the porch eagerly waiting for me.

His punctuality puts many of us to shame who have very little regards for time and people. Punctuality is an indication of our eagerness to meet someone and it reflects the place we accord him in our hearts.

Another interesting thing I learnt from Uncle Paul is the deep respect he had for his late father. He still remembers and cherishes what his father had advised him when he was working in the government service as a young man.

He recalls what his late father had told him, “If you need money badly, you may borrow or even beg for it but never accept bribes however desperate you are”.

He adhered to his father’s advised so strictly that he could not afford to own his own house and lived in government quarters all his life. Now all alone at the age of 86, although physically fit, he does not have a place to call home and has to settle for an old folk’s home as his abode.

Today there is so much talk on fighting corruption that has become a major evil in our society.How can we expect to eradicate the evil when we parents and teachers do not teach the children to do so by word and deed.

When asked for his advice to the youngsters of today,  he says, “They should Honour their father and mother and everything else will be fine”. Reflecting on what he said and recalling my own experiences with many, I realised how right he was. He may be old and senile but he pushed forward a point precisely about a very important issue in our lives, which I agree determines whether we attain the happiness we all strive for. If we miss this important lesson then all our efforts to seek that happiness will all be in vain.

Despite all the successes we achieve very few can claim to be really happy.  According to Uncle Paul there is no way we can achieve happiness if we do not make our parents happy. This I have realised is very true. I whatever we do if we consider the feelings of our parents so as not to hurt them; happiness will automatically come to us. Happiness is within our reach, it is we who are not able to attain it because of our own selfishness.

Uncle Paul’s greatest fear, like all elderly people, is loneliness. This was particularly profound after the demise of his wife 20 years ago. He has the feeling that he is all alone in this cruel world. It is pathetic to realise that at the age of 86, staying in a home for the aged and surrounded by unfamiliar faces, Uncle Paul has very little to hope for except waiting to be united with his wife by the Lord.

Uncle Paul and many others like him have given us the opportunity to bring them some hope and cheer in their lives especially during this approaching season of Christmas. It is not money, gifts or food that they need most. All they asks for is the love of fellow humans like you and I, in particular their children and grandchildren, to share a little bit of our time to be with them during some of the special days in their lives.

Dr.Chris Anthony                          � �                             � �                             � �                             � �                          25 November 2008

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drchris April 28th, 2008

Plight of those in old folks homes

The mother is the most revered person throughout the history of mankind. Mothers are revered and adored, showered with affection, and shown great respect. She is held in high esteem in all cultures and she is considered next to God in importance by all religions. In fact Islam teaches that “Paradise is at the feet of your mother” and Hindus regard her as a goddess of love. A Jewish Proverb says “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers”.

All wise men of the past seen to concur that a man who does not please his mother it whatever he does will never find true happiness in his own life. From my own experiences over five decades, I can vouch for the truth of that statement.

Many of us may be contemplating how best to celebrate Mother’s day this year. It may be pertinent for us to take this day as an opportunity to reflect on the numerous physical, mental and spiritual problems, that our parents encounter, especially the very old and infirm, as they outlive their usefulness to us and our family.

With materialism becoming a way of life, the care of the elderly is becoming an increasingly common problem for all. Young married couples have to work so hard to make ends meet that they have practically no time for the elderly who demand for more attention. Homes for the aged which were a taboo before are now being accepted as the only practical choice these days. May be on this auspicious day we should reflect on how some of our mothers may be languishing in such old folks’ homes. 

I had the opportunity to visit some of these elderly people in such homes where I got to understand two important features of these people who are in the twilight of their lives. Firstly none of them are happy to be in such homes separated from their families and secondly the extraordinary love they have for their children, however negligent they may be.

Most of them in these homes appear to be happy as they are provided with all their physical needs, food shelter and the company of other residents. However when we get to know them more personally, we will be surprised to realize the agony and pain these old folks are enduring in silence during their stay in such homes. This is particularly true for those who are mentally alert but physically infirm. 

Despite all their needs are being met yet we can sense they were missing something in their lives. They long for something that money cannot buy, something that no relative or friend can give – love and affection of their own children. Yes, they long for the company of their children and grandchildren. 

In the twilight of their lives, it is not food, shelter, comforts or gifts that matters most. What really matters is the love and company of their own children. These elderly people in old folk’s homes generally are lonely despite being surrounded by people and regularly visited by friends and relatives. 

As we step into our sixties, we begin to experience a strange fear, a fear for loneliness. We tend to cling onto our children and we want them to be with us always. If we become inflicted with some illness this fear is greatly exaggerated and I can imagine the agony we will undergo when our own children at that stage in our lives neglect us as they would be too preoccupied with their own lives as we are with ours now.

The second observation that touched me was the unshakable love these oldies have for their children. They may be unhappy with their children for having sent them there but they never let them down in front of others. They are eager to go back home but they do not mind bearing all the pain and agony of staying in a old folk’s home  just because they do not want to trouble their children by becoming a burden to them. It is a pity that many of us do not appreciate this boundless love of our elderly parents for us despite all our acts of ‘cruelty’ towards them.

There is no doubt that the best place for elderly is their home but sending our aged parents to old folks home does not necessarily mean we are ungrateful and cruel. What is important is to provide them with the best we can and give them the reassurance that we are there for them when they need us.

Frequent visits to them and bringing them back home whenever possible will go a long way in reassuring them of our love and concern. Another important thing is to encourage the grandchildren to be close with them as much as possible. We must remember our aged parents are our responsibility and ours alone. Relatives and friends may help but they cannot replace the own   children.

It is easy and exciting to be with our parents during happier times however it is more important for us to be there for them when they really need us. When they are seriously ill, handicapped, and bed-ridden or on their death beds are we there for them to give them the moral, physical and spiritual support that they need? All they may need is just our consoling words, our loving touch or a hug but are we physically there to render that?

On this Mothers’ Day let us remember our mothers who may be languishing and yearning for our love in old folks’ homes. Let us find some place for them in our hearts and some time to bring them back to our homes where they can once again experience the love, affection and the company of her loved ones at least for a while. For some of them this may be the last time they ever return to their homes.

As Christians we dedicate the month of May to our heavenly Mother Mary. We honor her with meditating on her life in the mysteries of the rosary. As we do that let us also make some time to reflect on our relationship with our own mother on earth. Do we love her like Jesus loved his mother?

Dr.Chris Anthony

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drchris February 9th, 2008

Lend a hand to those in loneliness

The theme of the Penang Diocesan Lenten Campaign,  “Lend a hand” for this year is very appropriate and thought provoking  and it should to stir the hearts of the people to do something not just during this coming Lent season throughout the year.

The words of Jesus “I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me” (Mathew 25:40) should be a reminder to us that Jesus dwells in those around us, especially the needy and the destitute. We will only be cheating ourselves if we say we love Jesus while refusing to lend a hand to those around us.

Many of us remember Lent as a time for fasting, abstinence, way of the cross, almsgiving and penance. Many too consider the Lenten campaign as a means of raising funds for the poor. We become very generous during this season and donate graciously towards this fund. These may nevertheless be some of the ways of observing Lent but there is much more to Lent than just donating generously for the poor and denying ourselves of some pleasures in life.

The Penang Office of Human Development (POHD) has rightly come up with the theme “Lend a hand” for Lent this year. It is a reminder for us that Lent is just not all about fasting, penance and giving alms. It surpasses all these and encompasses the offering of our hands of friendship and love to those around us.

Everyone around us is “poor” in some way as they are silently suffering from some form of ailment either physical or mental; serious illness,loneliness,loss of loved ones, financial problems, failures in career, failures in love,persecution,denial of basic rights and freedom, and the list is in fact endless. It should be our hands of friendship that could help to alleviate their suffering. We may not be in a position to totally eradicate their “poverty”, only God can do that, but I am sure we can do the little within our means to reduce their pain and agony. 

One of the things that caught my attention recently is the plight of the elderly. Elderly people are everywhere, in hospitals, in our parish, our BECs, in the homes of our relatives and friends, in the numerous homes for the aged, and very significantly in our own homes. It is sad that have become captives in their own homes by being solitarily confined.

These senior citizens could have had very successful lives when they were young but all of them succumb to the greatest fear of man as they advance into the twilight years of their lives – LONELINESS. Yes the fear of loneliness is the greatest fear of man, however great he could have been at the prime of his life. Many are lonely in their own homes despite being surrounded by children and grandchildren, as the latter have little time to spare for their old folks. They seem to have become totally irrelevant in the lives of the young.

Most of these elderly do not need our money, food or gifts on special occasions but what they really long for is our love, our touch and our company. Ironically we are willing to give them money, food, shelter, expensive gifts and elaborate nursing care but not the love and company they yearn for.

Let make this season of Lent the beginning of being more aware of the needs of those around us, especially those who are suffering in loneliness. Let’s lend a hand to someone who is lonely and at the brink of death. Let’s start with those lonely in our own families especially our elderly parents. Let’s be generous and gracious not just with our money but also with our precious time that money cannot buy.

We may be having a tough time ourselves coping with all the stresses in life to make ends meet. We may have terrible problems of our own to handle, with our spouse, our children, our work, our financial difficulties, our illness and so on, but amidst all these let us find some time for those who are gripped with the fear of loneliness, those in the twilight of their lives. If we can do that to one of these least brothers of His, we will be doing it for Him. 

Dr.Chris Anthony

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