An old man’s recipe for happiness
drchris November 25th, 2008
Honor your father and mother
I would like to share my experiences with an elderly gentleman named Paul, whom I met in old folk’s home. It may give us some insight into how we celebrate the coming Christmas.
Uncle Paul has been journeying through life for the past 86 years. His vast experiences in life cover the period during the British rule, Japanese occupation and Independent Malaya right till the present day Malaysia.
I believe every human who has walked upon this earth, regardless of race or religion, young or old, rich or poor is a chest of treasure, experience and knowledge for us to be tapped for our own benefit and the benefit of those around us. Uncle Paul is undeniably such a marvellous creation of God and going through the experiences in his life adds further to the many lessons I have learnt in my own.
In a world that is so materialistic, competitive, so advanced in technology, life has become more robotic and devoid of empathy and compassion. When we are so busy toiling to make ends meet we have very little time for old people like Paul who we consider have nothing valuable to contribute to our advancements.
Uncle Paul lost his wife 20 years ago after a short illness and till today he misses her so dearly. At the twilight of life, his physical and mental faculties are beginning to fail him one by one; he has no permanent companion to cling on for support and reassurance. This is the time he wished so badly that his wife was around to share the pains of old age. His eyes swell with tears each time we talk about the darling in his life. He says “if only my wife was around, I will not be here.”
As I myself grow older, and my children leaving home one by one, I seem to appreciate his experiences much more as they are becoming increasingly more relevant in my own life. I look around and see that many more, like Uncle Paul, are leading such solitude lives without a shoulder to lean on for solace. Am I heading for such a lonely life in the years to come? It is frightening to think I may be so.
The first time I met Uncle Paul I was impressed by his neatly groomed appearance and his punctuality. At every subsequent visit I noticed he was always ready and waiting for me, neatly dressed in slacks, long sleeved shirt and polished shoes. According to his caretaker he gets ready hours before and sits in the porch eagerly waiting for me.
His punctuality puts many of us to shame who have very little regards for time and people. Punctuality is an indication of our eagerness to meet someone and it reflects the place we accord him in our hearts.
Another interesting thing I learnt from Uncle Paul is the deep respect he had for his late father. He still remembers and cherishes what his father had advised him when he was working in the government service as a young man.
He recalls what his late father had told him, “If you need money badly, you may borrow or even beg for it but never accept bribes however desperate you are”.
He adhered to his father’s advised so strictly that he could not afford to own his own house and lived in government quarters all his life. Now all alone at the age of 86, although physically fit, he does not have a place to call home and has to settle for an old folk’s home as his abode.
Today there is so much talk on fighting corruption that has become a major evil in our society.How can we expect to eradicate the evil when we parents and teachers do not teach the children to do so by word and deed.
When asked for his advice to the youngsters of today, he says, “They should Honour their father and mother and everything else will be fine”. Reflecting on what he said and recalling my own experiences with many, I realised how right he was. He may be old and senile but he pushed forward a point precisely about a very important issue in our lives, which I agree determines whether we attain the happiness we all strive for. If we miss this important lesson then all our efforts to seek that happiness will all be in vain.
Despite all the successes we achieve very few can claim to be really happy. According to Uncle Paul there is no way we can achieve happiness if we do not make our parents happy. This I have realised is very true. I whatever we do if we consider the feelings of our parents so as not to hurt them; happiness will automatically come to us. Happiness is within our reach, it is we who are not able to attain it because of our own selfishness.
Uncle Paul’s greatest fear, like all elderly people, is loneliness. This was particularly profound after the demise of his wife 20 years ago. He has the feeling that he is all alone in this cruel world. It is pathetic to realise that at the age of 86, staying in a home for the aged and surrounded by unfamiliar faces, Uncle Paul has very little to hope for except waiting to be united with his wife by the Lord.
Uncle Paul and many others like him have given us the opportunity to bring them some hope and cheer in their lives especially during this approaching season of Christmas. It is not money, gifts or food that they need most. All they asks for is the love of fellow humans like you and I, in particular their children and grandchildren, to share a little bit of our time to be with them during some of the special days in their lives.
Dr.Chris Anthony 25 November 2008
